When we last left “Project Runway,” Ivy fainted, Andy won with his ribbon weaving dress and Gretchen thought she was the bestest evah.
Ivy is fine. Once again, NYFD hotties come to the rescue. Wouldn’t that be the best reality show — hot men cooking and racing to the rescue?
But we digress. This week: “hat” designer Philip Treacy brings his incarnations to the runway.They aren’t even hats. It’s like head sculpture. The designers have to create a look inspired by one of the hats. He tells them to think about proportion and volume and that matching is so “old hat.” Oh Philip! You told a little hat joke!
Ivy is inspired by the curtains in her hospital room. Mondo thinks the materials have voices. I have no idea what’s going on with the peacock feathers. Casanova is wearing what appears to be a boy scout uniform. Everyone is having some sort of confidence crisis.
People need to stop saying things are a hot mess. That was at least four seasons ago.
Tim visits. Valerie is mixing the soft fabric with the hardware materials to go with her black mask. Tim thinks it’s too much. April’s quilted booty shorts (allegedly going with a pink and white striped design) say “diaper” to Tim. Kristin’s “orchid” hat isn’t working for her and her dress is fussy. Although no one asks for her opinion, Gretchen thinks it’s sloppy.
It’s time for Casanova, formerly known as the “flamenco transvestite at a funeral” dress designer and the man who crossed the line from sexy to vulgar. This time, Tim says we’ve all seen his dress before — by Donna Karan in 1988. Casanova does not understand any of these challenges.
There is much, much trash talking back at the apartments. No one likes anything anyone else has done. Mondo has told the make-up stylist to put an eyeliner mustache on his model, because she’s wearing menswear. OK. Treacy comes personally to put his hats on the models. He doesn’t understand the mustache either.
At judging, Heidi comes out to her husband’s “Kissed By A Rose” and she’s wearing a rose hat with a vine going up toward the sky. Even she’s having a hard time pulling it off. Michael, Nina, Heidi and Philip are judging. It’s kind of funny that as each model walks, the designer voice over is talking about how they amaze themselves! They’re so proud of themselves! They wouldn’t change a thing! Check out the looks at Lifetime.
Gretchen is not in the top! Shocking!
They like how Michael D.’s giant “warrior/farmer hat” reflected in his ribbed deep-v, Vulcan-shouldered top and textured orange skirt. Nina says she likes the open back that complements the hat. (Note: The hat resembles two giant beige horns of plenty, but bigger and hollower.)
They love love Michael C’s orange, rust, bronze flowing number, in which he mimics the wave trim on his orange circular hat and the iridescence of the hat. Mr. Kors (there are too many Michaels going on) says it looks effortless. Nina says she likes the nude shoe and the color. They like the inspiration. Heidi’s favorite is Valerie’s little red racer back dress with a white jacket that goes with her black mask. Mr. Kors likes the Stevie Nicks hem while being geometric and neat. Philip says he doesn’t get it.
Bad vibes go to Kristin’s orchid’s hat and her sloppy black satin and hot pink dress. Mr.K says an orchid is beautiful and sexy and he doesn’t see anything of that in the dress. Nina hates the flower shoe and matchy toenails. Heidi isn’t fond of Christopher’s black and sliver swirled tunic with gray satin leggings. They all say it needed to be light and instead it’s too heavy. Mr. Kors isn’t finding romance here either. Nina says it’s fighting with the hat. Philip says he doesn’t see the connection. All the designers are shocked that the judges didn’t like it, because they loved it.
They aren’t thrilled with April’s triple hot pink, black and white quilted full-cover “short” that goes with the pink and white hat. Mr. Kors says she’s good for three days of underwear. He is horrified by the black zipper on the back. Philip says it could have used volume and the outfit is weak.
The winner is Michael Costello and his orange-y swirly number. He’s all teary, but in a cute way. And he does a little happy dance. Ivy, who didn’t place, doesn’t get it. Gretchen, who didn’t place either, is horrified because Michael C. is a “replicator, not an originator.” Whatever.
Kristen and her orchid head home for lacking joy. April and her triple-ply underwear stay another day.
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